Articles by Jinny

Val taught me a lot of things in the 2 years I knew her, and I can safely say the rest of her close friends did, too. Our lives have been changed because of her, and some changes because of her passing too.

But one thing is for sure, she sure left a legacy behind.

I suppose if you look at it closely, her passing shook all of us up and taught us powerful lessons in friendships, opening up our lives, sharing our joy and pain so that we may all help each other. The day after her passing, till the closure during her cremation, was a powerful time for me because it was then that I truly recognized the depth of how much we, her friends, cared for her and for each other.

We’re all still nursing our hurts but we’ve also learnt to help each other and listen to each other’s problems while being a little less judgmental about it.

The other lesson that she taught us was never to judge a person who is mentally ill, and never to judge a person who cuts himself/herself. She, by opening up to us, spread more awareness about mental health, and in her passing, even more so.

Val, thank you for the memories, thank you for the lessons in life you unwittingly taught us. You’ll always live in our hearts. And I hope all of us will be able to continue the legacy you left behind and, little by litte, person by person, spread awareness about mental health, why it matters, and how it can be treated.

I ♥ you. And I miss you so.

I do hope that through this blog too, we were able to carry the baton and Val’s light.

Arguably the most important person in my life for 3 years during 2001-2003.

His name is Dr Marvin Chong Swee Woon, of Hospital Fatimah, Ipoh. You may have heard of him before, if you read Reader’s Digest Asian/Malaysian edition. Whenever they have any psych-related articles, they’d usually interview him, among a few.

My doctor rocked, and I believe a good understanding doctor is pivotal in a patient’s recovery (yea, Yee Pei and all budding doctors, patient-doctor relationship!)

When I first saw him, I kept shut. I refused to acknowledge a problem. That was before the physical abuse and post traumatic depression. Part of my treatment for my nerve system problem was a psychological assessment to see if it was a psychosomatic symptom caused by stress.

Well, I was aware of the stigma that came with seeing a psych, so of course I kept shut and pretended all was fine (because truly, at that time, apart from being freaked out at why my hands were trembling a la Parkinsonism, I really felt fine and a stress-free sixteen year old)

So our first sessions was just staring at each other. He prompted me every now and then if I had anything to share. No. Staring game again. In retrospect it was kind of cruel of me, but he was patient. And because he persisted and he was this really soft spoken guy, I felt I could trust him eventually.

Then I got hit by the Taoist mediums. My aunt was mad when she found out, and carted me off to Ipoh the next day to see Dr Chong. I broke down and cried in front of him, got up, banged my head against the wall, and he got up and put his palm between my forehead and the wall. Hmm. So that’s where my mom learnt how to do that. I banged my head repeatedly into his palm, then… I can’t remember. Honestly, I can’t remember what happened next. The next few weeks was a blur, I was under 4 psych drugs - Zoloft, Xanax, Dogmatil and Prothiaden, alternated. I had a reaction to Zoloft so he replaced it with Prozac.

Eventually my symptoms were subdued enough to sit down and talk things out rationally. I’d pour out my heart, and he let me call him any time I needed to, just to listen to my problems and pain. He was a good listener. When I confided in him that I felt my home was too painful for me to live in (because the physical abuse took place at home) he suggested I live with my aunt, or stay in the ward. I chose to live with my aunt out of fear of discrimination and stigmatization of being in a psych ward.

He was way cool. He was the best doctor I ever had. And apart from my family support, he is the other very important figure in my life that led me to heal from PTD.

Lesson: Find a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist that *you* are comfortable with when seeking help. It really is that important that you and the psych can relate well.

The CHiQ was unique indeed. Jeyadev had mentioned a few times earlier about her passion for gadgets and technology.

Here’s another side to her about technology which some may not know.

Val, despite having zero formal training in IT, was passionate about programming. She had always been awed by how programmers can create awesome apps.

So when Chris Hong appeared in a MacFest organized by MyMUG and proposed that a Developers Special Interest Group (DevSIG) be started within MyMUG, Val jumped at the idea and signed up on the spot. During the first DevSIG (now called MYCocoaHeads Kuala Lumpur Chapter) meeting, she was completely blown away by the simplicity of the developer tools that Apple provided, and made a resolution to learn programming. She asked a lot of questions and Chris and the DevSIG members so kindly accomodated all her questions - some very technical and deep questions I must say - and explained to her in the simplest way possible for a non-IT trained person like her. She took it all in stride!

The next meeting, I did a presentation on developing Dashboard widgets with Dashcode. Val got so excited over it that she was positively bouncing up and down by the end of it all. It was finally, something simple enough for her to do with her beginner’s knowledge of programming.

And she rose to the occasion! She developed a countdown to iPhone widget… well of course, now that she’s gone, I don’t think the widget will ever be updated anymore (cos the iPhone has been released). But if you would like to have it, I am still hosting the file here… I don’t think I’ll ever remove it.

When she passed, many of the DevSIG members felt the loss deeply. We had over time grown to be a close knit bunch and we all loved the CHiQ and her infectious enthusiasm. Our meetings have never been the same without her anymore, but we’ll press on, remembering her enthusiasm and her daring to venture into jungles she has never been into.

It’s not hard to support someone you know with mental illness.

The simplest thing you and me can do, is to first and foremostly, acknowledge that they have a real problem and not trying to deny a problem exists. That’s the first step.

The second step is to be there for them should they need a friend to talk to. To be understanding, to be a listener and not to judge them even when they say stupid stuff.

I’ve said stupid stuff myself when I was under post traumatic depression. I said things that made my parents look like child abusers, even if it was false. It’s not abnormal for people with depression or mental illness to exaggerate things. To some it may seem like they’re attention-seeking acts, but trust me, the person suffering from depression who does attention-seeking things does not actually realize what he/she’s doing. To me, I was just wanting to cry for help… but not getting it. To people around me, I was this attention-seeking nuisance. Don’t do that. Don’t think just because you think it’s childish doesn’t give you the right to ignore the pleas of one who does and truly needs it.

If you see someone who is crying out for help and doing attention seeking things, even declaring in an IRC channel or posting up a blog post that says, “I cut myself today”, take it seriously. Because everyone does something for a reason, and if someone hurts himself/herself, there has to be a reason why he/she is doing that.

Over time, I did recover. It was a long, torturous and painful process but I did. And here I am today, testament to that. The fact that I’m still alive is testament that someone did help me through all the pain.

The most important thing to remember, is, never do it alone. You as the supporter, need support yourself. Confide in someone you trust so the person knows what you yourself as the supporter is going through, because it can be a very trying thing to do at times. Reach out today and allow yourself to be the safe haven for someone to reach out for support. Just be yourself - a friend - and let your care and love for your friend take over and guide your support.

Psychotherapy need not be just counselling, or medication or group talk/focus groups only. There are a few other alternative models of therapy, such as dance and music therapy.

I had the privilege - one I never regretted - of using pet therapy. I have two rabbits… well okaaay. I’ll confess. I fell in love with the bunnies before anyone decided that I should try pet therapy. So it was an accidental thing really

My two bunnies are a charm. They had this uncanny ability to know my moods and how I felt. I had adopted them as babies so I guess they grew up with me and my depression and knew how to adapt to my moods. When I am happy, they’d play chase with me all around. When I am down, they’d come and snuggle up to me and let me pet them. When I am lying down on the floor, phasing out, pondering my life or just plain burying my head on the floor, they’d come up to me and peck my forehead, kind of like giving me a little kiss.

I’m not sure exactly how much did

1. Counselling
2. Medication
3. Pets
4. Family support

helped… but I do know that my two bunnies did help me a great bit of solace.

Here’s my two champs, Sprinkles and Proudfoot. Proudfoot’s the albino.

Family support is very important in the healing of a patient with mental disorders, as Yee Pei has mentioned. I can attest to that.

See, when I was depressed, my family (despite the fact that they were the ones who plunged me into this condition in the first place) was the only support I had.

I’m not sure exactly when they turned over from unknowingly harming me to consciously helping me.

But they did and I’m glad for that, although first I hated them for trying to help me, simply because I was suicidal and they had…

1. Removed all sharp and glass objects
2. Hid all the drugs
3. Hid all the house keys
4. Dismantled my room lock
5. Removed all heavy items in my room that I could use to hit myself
6. My mom used her hand as a buffer between my head and bed’s headboard when I was hitting myself
7. Took emergency leaves from work when I am not in a stable condition

And of course, her tireless caring for me, supporting me, not scolding me when I am moody or refuse to talk, or when I refused to eat, she’d make me some liquid meals/formula milk instead to drink down so that I am properly nourished and not starving.

I have seen other friends, who had stress and depression but did not get the support of their family, and struggled with their battle with depression. I think in my case, my family made all the difference. Bombarded with rejection from society, they were my last - and only - line of solace. They provided me a safe haven, and took on part of my pain when it was too much for me to bear.

If you have a friend who is depressed, make sure the family members are aware of the problem and is appropriately educated on how to help and support the person. If someone in your family is suffering from mental illness, be their towers of strength, their fortress, their pillar of support. Do not discriminate your own kin, do not chide them and do not take their illness lightly. Help them, seek help yourself, and seek to be educated on how to care for a mentally ill person.

Here’s how you as a family can help:

1. Be united as a family. Show strength and support among all siblings and parents to the sufferer. Make it known that the sufferer is still ♥ - loved.
2. Attend to the needs of the sufferer. Whatever wants and needs of the sufferer that is right and within means, grant it. For example if the sufferer wants to eat alone in his/her bedroom, let him/her have it that way, don’t force the person to sit through dinner at the table with the rest of the family. Don’t force the person to do something against his/her wishes.
3. The sufferer may feign illness to get attention of the family. Don’t tell the person that to stop faking it.
4. If the person is harming himself/herself, remove all paraphernalia and objects that can possibly harm and hurt the person and keep it away from reach.
5. If the person is planning to run away/has run away from home before, or is suicidal, hide all house keys from reach of the sufferer.
6. Never let the sufferer go out alone.
7. Make outward and tangible expressions of love to the person. Give hugs, kisses, breakfasts in bed, random little gifts and prayers, offer to have a chit chat with the person and whatever you do to express love to a ♥ one

The family matters a lot. At the end of the day, the family is the basic building block. Where friends can fail, the family should always be there, through thick and thin, through sickness and health. Love your family.

Val loved photography and taking photos, as I had mentioned earlier. So much so that she eventually toyed with the idea of buying a DSLR, in Decemeber last year/early January this year.

So when someone wanted to sell off their old D70 for RM1500, Val jumped on the deal. Problem was, the seller was in Penang. Luckily for her, I was going back to Penang that week and agreed to bring it back for her. So she was happy and all was well. Aaaaand, to top it off, she got a free lens for Christmas. Lucky woman!

Then the deal hit a problem: the seller didn’t want to sell after all. But being the honest nice guy he is, he found a friend who happened to have a D70 that he wanted to sell off too… for RM1500. So the nice guy reserved the D70 for Val, which I was to pick up from him and COD him when I went back to Penang. I did just that, and boy, it was priceless to pick up the phone after that and hear CHiQ’s voice go, “Babe I love youuuuuu!!!”

Just as quickly as she said she loved me, I came back to KL and brought the camera to her, showed her how to fix a lens and take a photo with it. Then she took a photo and compared hers to mine.

“Babe I hate you.”

And then the fickle minded CHiQen thought she better not offend me and went, “No laa, hahahahhaha…. I LOVE YOU!”

Yes, the CHiQ was that excited about photography. And she was a good student A really good student. She didn’t need much teaching to start creating marvellous works of art with her new camera.

It’s not wrong to seek help when you’re depressed. Contrary to what Asians like to tell you that it’s all in your mind, and get over it. It’s NOT.

Depression and anxiety are as valid a disease as other more tangible diseases, from something as innocuous as the occasional fever to something life-threatening as cancer. Some other disorders which aren’t commonly talked about include the bipolar disorder that Val suffered from. Even drug/substance/alcohol addictions are treatable by a psychiatrist/psychologist, because addictions is basically an extension of a deeper underlying depression/anxiety.

The dangerous thing about *some* mental disorders is that they’re hard to detect. Even worse is the perception that the public has, that mental illness is often painted a picture of a crazed, angst-driven, deranged person or a dark shadowy person sitting in a corner. The media doesn’t portray a pretty picture of actual mental patients.

No. The most common mental disorder is nothing of that sort. Sure, there are extreme cases as Hollwood loves to portray, but there are more “normal” looking people who are actually suffering from depression, anxiety, addiction, hallucinations and post traumatic stress.

I myself was a former post traumatic stress sufferer. I found it difficult to recover in peace, because people were laughing and making fun of me all the time. People outside my family who do not understand why I was seeing a psychiatrist. People who thought I was a mental case, a complete nut they can laugh at and make fun of, and generate wild rumours about. The unfortunate thing also, was a particular relative of mine who thought it was all in the head and that I can just easily snap out of it.

Sure, there were a few helpful friends and family members who helped me along and made sure I did nothing stupid, attended to my whims and gave me the support I needed. But somehow I think I would have been spared a lot of pain, and that I might have recovered sooner if I wasn’t depressed, thinking of all the torment I was going through by people who called themselves my friends when I was alright.

Stop discriminating mental patients and people with mental disorders. Stop asking people with depression, anxiety, and illnesses we think is “in the mind” to stop the attitude and break out of it. It’s not easy, and it’s even harder without the understanding of the people close to us.

It’s not wrong to seek help. Really.

Aaah.. it’s 4.30 and I just woke up from a short afternoon nap. I’ll lighten up the mood a little

The CHiQen loved photography. She would always carry a camera around, regardless of whether it was big or small. Yeah, she’d stuff her D70 into her handbag too.

The one thing about Val was… she was never afraid to ask. She’d always put on this “Hello I’m dumb” airhead personality as Yee Pei mentioned earlier. Well it *always* works for her. No one else can pull it off. I mean, seriously.

From skipping work, calling in sick and then going out to her garden the same morning to take photos of flowers to bugging me for critique and comments and “what do you think?” “nice or not, nice hooorrr??”… until she got creative herself where she could set up her own props and take really nice photos.

Here’s to good photographic memories with the CHiQ.

A pic of the CHiQ taking a photo of Prasad during mamak.

1) Mental health only applies to deranged people in psychiatric wards
Wrong. Millions of people in the US alone are sufferers of depression and anxiety, millions more in Malaysia suffer from the same disorder. Hollywood loves to dramatize things and this is one of them.

Mental health and mental illnesses applies to everyone. A normal person would have gone through a short bout of depression or anxiety at least a few times a year. It’s just that some people have it more acutely than others.

2) Depression and anxiety is all in the mind - get over it!
Sadly… much as the sufferers themselves want to get over it… they can’t do it alone. People who have very mild bouts probably can, but when the problem is serious, you treat depression the same way you treat a very high fever - go to a doctor. The trained psychiatrists and psychologists know how to properly diagnose a problem and prescribe treatment. What we think as an annoying kid with attention seeking attitude may well just be one with Bipolar Disorder.

3) People with addiction are problems to society, not people with problems and issues
Well… yes and no. Some people are a problem to society, people who deliberately take substances and alcohol for the sheer joy and exhilaration or producing substances to gain money from addicts.

However, most people gamble, take drugs and/or alcohol usually take it to escape from reality - problems. How many alcoholics have confessed they drink to escape their financial problems, family problems, marital issues… addiction is their way of escaping reality, the real underlying problem is often depression and anxiety which must be treated.

4) There’s no need to see a psychiatrist and take medicine, a counsellor will do
Sometimes, certain illnesses require the intervention of medication or other psychiatric therapy. Often, medication is prescribed to subdue the symptoms of a disease where it takes over the patient completely. When the symptoms of the disease completely takes over someone, there’s no point talking and giving counseling to the person: he/she is just not going to hear or understand much of it, or anything at all.

5) There’s no need to see a counsellor. You already know what’s wrong. Get over it!
Wrong. Most people tend to think it’s just talking and listening and giving “pep talks”. Some end up scolding the patient instead. A trained counsellor, however, would know what to explore, how to explore, how to listen and make the patient feel at ease, and more importantly, is able to make better educated decisions on how to talk to the person and discuss their problems.

A year before I fell into post traumatic depression, my sister had bought a book by Danielle Steel unlike all other DS novels.

The Danielle Steel book, titled “His Bright Light: The Story of Nick Traina”, was a book about her son and his struggle with a deadly disease - bipolar disorder. The book as I recall it was a harrowing story about her struggle to get her son properly diagnosed, his wild jumps between depression and his otherwise, other end - the bubbly personality he had.

Just as Val had.

I don’t know and would never know what Val and Nick went through. I am not suffering from bipolar disorder. But I have read about one who did, felt the pain of one who did, and shared the pain of another whose sister had. The problem is that this disease is often masked as something less harmless.

What I do know, though, is the pain they went through during their lowest, deepest, darkest moments. I have been there.

Read the rest of this entry »

We have the CHiQen of course, the panther, the penguin, the *singsong tone* munki, gorilla, chimpanzee… oops, that was a song/game. Heheh.

The animals bonded over nasi lemak ayam and teh o ais limau in Ajimal @ Sri Petaling, CHiQhome and sleepovers and MSN and .mac and phonecalls and sms-es and shopping trips and pasar malam trips and weekend flea market trips and KLCC trips and Bangsar trips and <the list goes on>

But yeah. I loved the animal farm trips and mamak sessions. At one point, it was the only time I get to meet the girl. That was before we both started our sleepovers. I cherish every moment I had with the animal farm. I had so much fun around CHiQ. I still miss it. Like, a lot. Things are different now she’s not here anymore.

I don’t usually bring my camera along to mamak sessions, but there was once and only once I did. Here’s our resident munki aka Yee Pei doing her Oktoberfest imitation

*sorry, my brain apparently still refuses to function properly. This will be the last of my non-serious post this morning * Next up, I’ll blog more about mental health, my experience and alternating it with some CHiQ related posts.

Cheesecakes! Cookies! Muffins! Freshly baked bread!

We as CHiQ’s friends were never starved for good cakes, breads and cookies. She loved baking and she loved the smell and taste of freshly baked bread. I mean, how many people can eat plain white bread, piece after piece, without butter or jam, while watching TV?

And her cheesecakes… ooooh. Lovely stuff. Even my mom with her decades of experience couldn’t make something as nice as Val could.

Baking with Val was fun too. Except that you gotta make sure she is not the person who cuts the cherries. Buy a pack of cherries, half of them would be gone before she even cuts it

Val was a creative person. Very creative. She loves using her gifts to make gifts for others. She’d hand make crafts, sew stuff, bake cakes and cookies and give them away… and like YP said earlier, Val just… gives. Sometimes even expensive gifts.

There was once earlier this year when she wanted to make a set of iPod nano casings for her friends. She called me up one day and wanted to go to IKEA to find for cloth and some sewing materials. I was looking for some sewing stuff too, wanted to sew a pillowcase myself. So off we went to IKEA and had our lunch there. Swedish meatballs. And we two grand women ordered the maximum amount of Swedish meatballs we can order. So smart. We struggled to finish it

Anyway, CHiQ was stunned at the prices of cloth at IKEA and the lack of materials with proper patterns. So I suggested we go to Carrefour where Nagoya is - cheaper and more choice too! We took the bus to Carrefour, and the bus was packed so we stood up. And uh, along the way, there was this dude standing back to back behind me, who kept rubbing his rump against mine. Val and I tried to shift ourselves around but the guy kept moving his body so that he can continue rubbing his err… bottom against mine. In the end one nice uncle gave up his seat to me after hearing me and Val discuss our options, and declared, “Come, you take my place, I’ll stand and he can rub my ass instead!”

So, yeah. We reached Carrefour and she found the perfect cloth to get (after walking round the huge shop 10 times). Still rather excited over it, we had a sleepover again, to have a sewing-fest the next day. Well… didn’t quite work out too well. See, first we couldn’t find the sewing machine. And when we finally did and plugged it in…

“Val, do you smell that?”

“Turn it OFF! TURN IT OFF!!!”

…

Probably the greatest gift she’s ever given anyone was herself and her friendship and charm.

… scrabble and monopoly

Two girls gangs up against two guys.

Here are how our rules go:

“Argh Val! I’m on <a dark blue expensive spot>!”

“Jin… buy that railway first! Then I give you my yellow one, you gimme the railway you got. Then we both got complete sets”

… which then merged into…

“Come lah we just share all the properties we got. Mwahahahahaha the guys so gonna lose to us man!”

Well, as CHiQy predicted, grrls rule that night

Oh, and Scrabble?

“Jin, you need any letters or not?”

Val was particularly famous for this.

She often opened her home to her friends. I have never recalled a time when I wanted to sleep over at val’s place and she says, “cannot!”

So anyway, the first time I went to Val’s house to sleepover, her mom was home. She ushered me into the kitchen, and went, “must say hi to mami first!”

I saw her mom, and blinked at her. Val stared at me, (probably astounded that for once, she wasn’t the blur-est person around) and said, “say hi! hi mami!”

I replied with a lame, “Hi auntie!” and proceeded to look for her mom. Yeah! I said hi to her mom and then went to look for her mom (who was standing in front of my wondering what the heck is going on )

I still remember Val’s words as I went looking away… “Jin what you doing la… lets go up!”

Well, I went up and as usual, the night never died. Because where CHiQ and sleepovers are concerned, they mean one thing: bonding. She had this natural way of bonding with just about anyone and making them feel at home. We played board games, card games, shared songs, watched TV series, took photos, lazed around, chit-chatted…

And at 5am, just as everyone’s about to wake up soon, we’ll just only be starting to go to sleep

So… yes, where was I? Oh yeah, the mamak where we were talking goth and how we’re all goths.

You know, it was pretty stupid. I mean, no offense, but this church St Mary’s? Weeeelll… I’ll try to recall the conversation we had.

Val: Jin, I’m a Goth. And so is he *points to Jey* and so is almost everyone around us!
Jey: Yea man… I’m a goth!
Jin: Har?
Val: Okay, there’s this church kan, they published a checklist on how to see if your child is a goth. If your child meets five or more criterias he’s goth. But it’s quite stupid la, there are questions like… errr… “wears too much black clothing”
Jey: Meeeeeeeeeeee!!!! *wheee*
Val: … complains of boredom…
Jey: Which is, all of us…
Val: Is excessively awake during the night…
Jey: Ahemm… and we’re all awake now…
Val: … Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer…
Jey, Jin & Val: AH-UH…. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

… well… it went on and on, and the conclusion was, we’re all goths

Here’s the checklist, lifted from CHiQ’s old blog, which was lifted from MK Magazine.

Is Your Child a Goth? Presented by St. Mary’s Church
Source: www.stmaryschurch.org

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counseling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan’s temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
-Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercing or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.) -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates.
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: “I’m so gothic, I’m dead”, “woe is me”, “I’m a goth”.
-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

Valerie. Also known as CHiQ. Also known as valval to me (because she called me jinjin). Only people who are close to me, or people whom I give them permission to, can call me “jin”. Val decided she is better than that and started calling me “jinjin”. Double the affection

I knew her through Jeyadev. I’m not sure if it’s the early morning, just-woke-up blurness but I can’t quite pinpoint a date to the first time he pointed out CHiQ’s blog to me. I was hooked on her blog and RSS-ed it. We met over her blog. This was some time back in 2005. One day after cell group, Jey invited valval over to our cell group’s mamak in Carrefour Endah Parade and that was the first time I met her. She was laughing about a particular “Is Your Child A Goth” checklist and we found out that….

Everyone is a goth!

I’ll post up the goth-ness checklist next But for now, let’s talk CHiQ.

How did CHiQ and I get close enough? Lets see… we were the two passionately tech ladies, for one. Jey confided in me that he was unsure how Val would take to YP going to Belfast. I told him I’d try my best but I suppose it didn’t work out too well… I had trouble getting to her, for one (no car and I live very far away) and I suppose she didn’t really want to burden me with her problems that much either. But whevener I could, I would, and I’d see her every Friday after CG, yeah, played the same waiting game for CHiQ that YP and Jey did, stayed up for UNO and Monopoly and stayed over for girlie nights out. Back then I was this lonely girl who kept mostly to herself… well, Val changed me. I mean, how can you keep quiet and reserved around this bubbly person who’s literally jumping up and down?! (No, val, no more sirap ais for you!)

I have never once regretted knowing her, despite the pain. Because I don’t ever recall the painful times more than I remember the joyful times

Aaaah… it’s 9.30pm and I haven’t had my dinner yet… it’s still in the oven. Not sure if this is going to be good, cos once I have dinner I’ll be awake for the next few hours… and I need to sleep early to get up at 5am!

Aaah, I’ll make it, I’ll be able to, I’m sure… it’s for Val, right? I’ll make it somehow… just… need… to… get… up… at… 5… and drink my morning cup of coffee. I’ll be fine then

Well CHiQen, the penguin signs off here till her next aside/real blog post… cheer us on yah!