Walk On By

We are at the end of the blogathon… but this doesn’t mean you should stop doing your part to make a change. There is truly a need to raise awareness of mental illness and promote mental health in Malaysia. There is also a need to give patients support and care, teach family and caregivers how to best provide for these patients. We need to stop the discrimination against psychiatric patients and reduce the stigmatisation so that patients will be encouraged to seek help. We must also educate the public on avenues to get help and support if they need to.

1. Don’t stigmatise or discriminate against the mentally ill. They are unwell, just like the stroke patient is unwell, just like the cancer patient is unwell. They are not the “crazy, loony, gila, nutcase, siao nang, chee sin who should be avoided like a plague”. They did not choose to be sick, and they cannot “get on with it” or “snap out of it”.

2. If you have a family member or friend who might have a mental illness, encourage him/her to seek help, be supportive about it. It is understandable that they are afraid of acknowledging the problem, it is understandable that they may find it difficult to speak to someone about it. They need your help to take that step forward. It is only with this step towards seeking help that they move towards recovery.

3. Pledge towards our cause. We will not be handling your money, you will be sent instructions on sending your donation straight to MMHA and therefore supporting their objectives to raise awareness on mental health in Malaysia, provide support for family, caregivers and patients, and safeguard the welfare and interest of psychiatric patients.

Tog-tog’s tired and he is going to bed really soon but he’s got something to say before he drifts off too dreamland, “support our cause! WOOF!!!”

A personal note to Jinny and Jeyadev, we’ve done it!!! Thank you for sharing this experience with me. *big hugs all ’round*

Val taught me a lot of things in the 2 years I knew her, and I can safely say the rest of her close friends did, too. Our lives have been changed because of her, and some changes because of her passing too.

But one thing is for sure, she sure left a legacy behind.

I suppose if you look at it closely, her passing shook all of us up and taught us powerful lessons in friendships, opening up our lives, sharing our joy and pain so that we may all help each other. The day after her passing, till the closure during her cremation, was a powerful time for me because it was then that I truly recognized the depth of how much we, her friends, cared for her and for each other.

We’re all still nursing our hurts but we’ve also learnt to help each other and listen to each other’s problems while being a little less judgmental about it.

The other lesson that she taught us was never to judge a person who is mentally ill, and never to judge a person who cuts himself/herself. She, by opening up to us, spread more awareness about mental health, and in her passing, even more so.

Val, thank you for the memories, thank you for the lessons in life you unwittingly taught us. You’ll always live in our hearts. And I hope all of us will be able to continue the legacy you left behind and, little by litte, person by person, spread awareness about mental health, why it matters, and how it can be treated.

I ♥ you. And I miss you so.

I do hope that through this blog too, we were able to carry the baton and Val’s light.

This is written by Elena.
Bold= patient
Normal= Doctor

Hello, you came again,

How are you today?

I am great, eating bait,
Fate and number eight.
You look good in the rain.

Did your wife send you that bouquet?

Yes, beautiful flowers,
From the king’s towers,
In the state of Maine -
What did you ask again?

Do you still having grandiose delusions?

Nope, I am still god.

How about exaggerated self-esteem?

I am still greater than god.

Any hallucinations or illusions?

Nope, but the voice in my head,
Is telling me you are to be dead.

What about yesterday’s dream?

You know the men in white?
They give me a fright,
They are going to kill me,
So dream is no good, save me.

Are you feeling any better?

I never felt as good,
Ever since I met that dude.

Which dude? What’s the matter?

The voice of love says kill you,
She says that you are a frengetu.
Hotdogly you may be a friend,
But we have to kill you in the end.

Now, please put that pen down,
Calm down, stop fooling around.

Baby… natural… inches… heart…
Test… relief… easy… smart…
Stay away, leave me alone,
Over this cuckoo nest I’ve flown.

Nurse, hurry, he is psychotic!

He is psychotic, you miserable cur!
We will triumph, bathed in myrrh!
Let me go, the aliens are here,
Let me go, you have lots to fear!

Pump it up, those hypnotics.

No… I don’t want to go back,
Not to those king, queen and jack.
No… I am… not… in..sa..ne…
Will…you…come…see me…a…gain?

Take him back to his room, nurse,
Talking to him is a curse.

The… world… is…no…good… no more…
I am…not…crazy…I … snore…………………

I didn’t write about schizophrenic … but I think Elena has done a good job with this poem and it is appropriate for our theme, don’t you think? Thanks, Elena.

Arguably the most important person in my life for 3 years during 2001-2003.

His name is Dr Marvin Chong Swee Woon, of Hospital Fatimah, Ipoh. You may have heard of him before, if you read Reader’s Digest Asian/Malaysian edition. Whenever they have any psych-related articles, they’d usually interview him, among a few.

My doctor rocked, and I believe a good understanding doctor is pivotal in a patient’s recovery (yea, Yee Pei and all budding doctors, patient-doctor relationship!)

When I first saw him, I kept shut. I refused to acknowledge a problem. That was before the physical abuse and post traumatic depression. Part of my treatment for my nerve system problem was a psychological assessment to see if it was a psychosomatic symptom caused by stress.

Well, I was aware of the stigma that came with seeing a psych, so of course I kept shut and pretended all was fine (because truly, at that time, apart from being freaked out at why my hands were trembling a la Parkinsonism, I really felt fine and a stress-free sixteen year old)

So our first sessions was just staring at each other. He prompted me every now and then if I had anything to share. No. Staring game again. In retrospect it was kind of cruel of me, but he was patient. And because he persisted and he was this really soft spoken guy, I felt I could trust him eventually.

Then I got hit by the Taoist mediums. My aunt was mad when she found out, and carted me off to Ipoh the next day to see Dr Chong. I broke down and cried in front of him, got up, banged my head against the wall, and he got up and put his palm between my forehead and the wall. Hmm. So that’s where my mom learnt how to do that. I banged my head repeatedly into his palm, then… I can’t remember. Honestly, I can’t remember what happened next. The next few weeks was a blur, I was under 4 psych drugs - Zoloft, Xanax, Dogmatil and Prothiaden, alternated. I had a reaction to Zoloft so he replaced it with Prozac.

Eventually my symptoms were subdued enough to sit down and talk things out rationally. I’d pour out my heart, and he let me call him any time I needed to, just to listen to my problems and pain. He was a good listener. When I confided in him that I felt my home was too painful for me to live in (because the physical abuse took place at home) he suggested I live with my aunt, or stay in the ward. I chose to live with my aunt out of fear of discrimination and stigmatization of being in a psych ward.

He was way cool. He was the best doctor I ever had. And apart from my family support, he is the other very important figure in my life that led me to heal from PTD.

Lesson: Find a counsellor, psychologist or psychiatrist that *you* are comfortable with when seeking help. It really is that important that you and the psych can relate well.

She’s a sister and great friend. What happened was unfortunate, but we cannot changed what has happened.

We will always treasure the wonderful memories she left us. We will remember the great times we have spent together, sitting around at the mamaks, unforgettable shopping trips, various sleepovers and endless waiting outside her gate (uh… great times). We will remember her for the wonderful person she was, the perky CHiQen, the helpful friend, the caring sister. And most importantly, we will remember the lessons she taught her, be it little Mac-tricks, PR skills, wonderful recipes… or the important life changing lessons on mental health. Through her, many people have learnt to recognise mental illnesses for what it is, many have had their misconceptions cleared.

She will continue to live in the memories those of us who knew her.

source

What’s a blogathon-er to do without a fast method of transferring pictures? Some of you may settle for transferring straight from the camera, but I prefer using a card reader. And a reference book on the most serious topics you’re going to blog on helps too!

I remember Val helping me with getting the card reader. She even got her friend to bring the card reader to her house that evening so I could get it when I dropped her home. It’s been serving me faithfully ever since.

Now, here’s a pic I took after my last shower… it’s amazing how much fresher I feel after a shower.

Now… did you know that Val takes at least 30 minutes for a “quick shower”? How did I know? Errmmm… I timed her. I mean, I had nothing to do when I’m sitting in the car outside her house, waiting for her, trying to call her… and there was no one to let me into the house. Ask any of her car-driving friends… they know EXACTLY what I mean. Right, Jeyadev?

The CHiQ was unique indeed. Jeyadev had mentioned a few times earlier about her passion for gadgets and technology.

Here’s another side to her about technology which some may not know.

Val, despite having zero formal training in IT, was passionate about programming. She had always been awed by how programmers can create awesome apps.

So when Chris Hong appeared in a MacFest organized by MyMUG and proposed that a Developers Special Interest Group (DevSIG) be started within MyMUG, Val jumped at the idea and signed up on the spot. During the first DevSIG (now called MYCocoaHeads Kuala Lumpur Chapter) meeting, she was completely blown away by the simplicity of the developer tools that Apple provided, and made a resolution to learn programming. She asked a lot of questions and Chris and the DevSIG members so kindly accomodated all her questions - some very technical and deep questions I must say - and explained to her in the simplest way possible for a non-IT trained person like her. She took it all in stride!

The next meeting, I did a presentation on developing Dashboard widgets with Dashcode. Val got so excited over it that she was positively bouncing up and down by the end of it all. It was finally, something simple enough for her to do with her beginner’s knowledge of programming.

And she rose to the occasion! She developed a countdown to iPhone widget… well of course, now that she’s gone, I don’t think the widget will ever be updated anymore (cos the iPhone has been released). But if you would like to have it, I am still hosting the file here… I don’t think I’ll ever remove it.

When she passed, many of the DevSIG members felt the loss deeply. We had over time grown to be a close knit bunch and we all loved the CHiQ and her infectious enthusiasm. Our meetings have never been the same without her anymore, but we’ll press on, remembering her enthusiasm and her daring to venture into jungles she has never been into.

A BATHROOM… so you can have all the cold/cool/warm/hot shower you ever need to stay awake. My blogathon veteran friend, Edrei, said not to have caffeine until the last few hours… so all that’s left for me are the showers.

I am super duper clean right now. By the time you read this post, I’ll be done with my 5th shower since blogathon started.

It’s not hard to support someone you know with mental illness.

The simplest thing you and me can do, is to first and foremostly, acknowledge that they have a real problem and not trying to deny a problem exists. That’s the first step.

The second step is to be there for them should they need a friend to talk to. To be understanding, to be a listener and not to judge them even when they say stupid stuff.

I’ve said stupid stuff myself when I was under post traumatic depression. I said things that made my parents look like child abusers, even if it was false. It’s not abnormal for people with depression or mental illness to exaggerate things. To some it may seem like they’re attention-seeking acts, but trust me, the person suffering from depression who does attention-seeking things does not actually realize what he/she’s doing. To me, I was just wanting to cry for help… but not getting it. To people around me, I was this attention-seeking nuisance. Don’t do that. Don’t think just because you think it’s childish doesn’t give you the right to ignore the pleas of one who does and truly needs it.

If you see someone who is crying out for help and doing attention seeking things, even declaring in an IRC channel or posting up a blog post that says, “I cut myself today”, take it seriously. Because everyone does something for a reason, and if someone hurts himself/herself, there has to be a reason why he/she is doing that.

Over time, I did recover. It was a long, torturous and painful process but I did. And here I am today, testament to that. The fact that I’m still alive is testament that someone did help me through all the pain.

The most important thing to remember, is, never do it alone. You as the supporter, need support yourself. Confide in someone you trust so the person knows what you yourself as the supporter is going through, because it can be a very trying thing to do at times. Reach out today and allow yourself to be the safe haven for someone to reach out for support. Just be yourself - a friend - and let your care and love for your friend take over and guide your support.

Psychotherapy need not be just counselling, or medication or group talk/focus groups only. There are a few other alternative models of therapy, such as dance and music therapy.

I had the privilege - one I never regretted - of using pet therapy. I have two rabbits… well okaaay. I’ll confess. I fell in love with the bunnies before anyone decided that I should try pet therapy. So it was an accidental thing really

My two bunnies are a charm. They had this uncanny ability to know my moods and how I felt. I had adopted them as babies so I guess they grew up with me and my depression and knew how to adapt to my moods. When I am happy, they’d play chase with me all around. When I am down, they’d come and snuggle up to me and let me pet them. When I am lying down on the floor, phasing out, pondering my life or just plain burying my head on the floor, they’d come up to me and peck my forehead, kind of like giving me a little kiss.

I’m not sure exactly how much did

1. Counselling
2. Medication
3. Pets
4. Family support

helped… but I do know that my two bunnies did help me a great bit of solace.

Here’s my two champs, Sprinkles and Proudfoot. Proudfoot’s the albino.